Disclaimer: Nope, Flame Of Recca still doesn't belong to me, even though i'm one of very few people to have stuck with it this long. (Shoutout to everybody else still in the fandom!)
Warnings: Unfair resentment and darkly intrusive thoughts.
Pairings: Not remotely a ship fic, but contains references to Recca/Yanagi and Fuuko and Domon's attempts at going out.
Continuity: Set after the end of the manga.
She's always on the outside looking in, Aoi thinks. It was true when she had to see how their father doted on Renge, and that's how she felt when she enrolled in Recca Hanabishi's school, and that's how it is now.
She doesn't want Yanagi to suffer. Yanagi was the first friend Aoi has ever made, is her only real friend, since the other ex-members of Hokage still keep her at arm's length. Or maybe Aoi herself is the one being distant. Maybe she ought to figure that out, but she does like Yanagi a lot. No, she should be glad Yanagi is happy.
It isn't like she wants Recca, either. She's acted as if she did before, but he is technically sort of her uncle, and besides, he's not especially good-looking or smart. He's not that much of a catch.
And she really is happy for Yanagi.
It's just that when she sees them together, sees the way he looks at her, Aoi can't help but want what she's never had. She sees Yanagi's face light up when he does something for her, and Recca's big goofy grin, and that place inside her that was supposed to develop human emotions hurts.
Aoi wants someone to look at her like that, to have a smile meant entirely for her.
It's not so bad watching Fuuko and Domon. Domon really doesn't have a chance with Fuuko. She's indulging him for now, but her gaze is always turned elsewhere – to where, Aoi doesn't know. Right now she's just going through the motions with him, and so it doesn't hurt nearly as much to see.
It's harder to watch Fuuko with the little girl from the Uruha reserves. Ganko, that's her name. It's hard to watch the two of them playing together, and arguing, and Fuuko sticking up for Ganko, always, if something happens.
Is that what having a sister is supposed to be like?
Aoi thinks it is, and can't stop herself from thinking of Renge. She hates Renge – she always has, she's sure she still does, even now – but she still misses her. Maybe she misses what they could have had, if things were only different.
It's stupid to dwell on it. Aoi knows that. For her and Renge to have a relationship like proper sisters, they couldn't have Kouran Mori for a father, and without him, they would never have been created in the first place.
That's why she envies Yanagi and Recca more. Family is something you either have or you don't, but it's different when you choose someone to love.
It's different when someone chooses you.
If someone loves you, then you belong someplace. You belong with them. You belong to them.
Aoi has never belonged anywhere.
Aoi has never had anyone.
That's what hurts the most. That's why she can't bear to watch Yanagi and Recca together, and why she can't look away.
And she has to hold it in. Even when she wants to explode, Aoi can't let anyone know about it. If Yanagi and her friends find out how Aoi hates them, they won't want to be friends with her any more. They'll send her away, or they'll fight her like they fought Kouran.
That's the only thing Aoi can imagine that's worse than seeing the members of Hokage so happy with the rest of their team, so she stuffs it all down. Forces herself to swallow the anger and the loneliness so none of her new friends know. She pastes a smile on her face when she sees Recca's embarrassed smile at Yanagi's shy blushes.
She could kill them.
She wants to, sometimes. She can barely hold herself back, when the bile rises in her throat and the rage with it, but she doesn't really want them dead. She just wants what they have, or something like it. Something of her own.
Somewhere to belong, when it's all over.
Is that not too much to ask?
A/N: Where are all the Aoi fans out there? I know i can't be the only one, and yet this is the only Aoi fic on the site. I'll have to see about that.