Detective Conan and Magic Kaito characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.

Warnings: Lots of swearing

MURDEROUS Angry Baby Ball of Silver Fluff

By Taliya

Kudou Shinichi calling her at three in the morning was not a common occurrence—though neither was it a rare one. Informing her that he would be at her doorstep in fifteen minutes, fine. But waltzing into her living room with what was undeniably a shrunken Gin of all people tucked into his arms—who, despite being wrapped haphazardly in his trench coat and asleep, was fiercely clutching his fedora—was the last straw.

"Kudou Shinichi," Haibara Ai hissed venomously, eyes glued to the tiny, silver-haired demon sleeping peacefully against the detective's chest, "what the fuck are you doing?"

Shinichi laughed, quietly, uncomfortably. "Uh, I found him…?"

Ai could hear the way her molars ground together. There had been a giant sting operation tonight, one that the homicide detective had coordinated with the help of multiple foreign intelligence agencies. The scientist had been awake all night, waiting for word of its success or failure. She had half expected Shinichi to come to inform her in person.

She had not expected to find him bearing yet another victim—was Gin even considered a victim?—of the Apoptoxin.

"What. Happened?" she snapped, more than a little tempted to snatch the very illegal handgun she kept hidden in her bookcase to off the miniaturized bastard.

Shinichi sighed as he hiked Gin higher onto his hip. "He opted to take the Apoptoxin instead of surrendering. I guess he had meant to kill himself with it."

Much like how I had hoped my dose would, she realized. While the twenty-nine-year-old Shinichi before her had been restored to his original body and was now happily married to his childhood sweetheart Mouri Ran, Miyano Shiho had chosen to live out her life under her new identity. Even so… "That still does not explain why you brought him into my apartment," Ai hissed. "And I'm not giving him an antidote," she added testily before Shinichi could say anything.

"I figured you would say that, not that I particularly want you to," he sighed. "But since that's going to be the case, he has no legal identity as he is now, and he'll be considered an orphan. And I'm going to adopt him."

Ai squinted at the idiot, unsure if she had heard him correctly. "Wait," she said as she pinched the bridge of her nose as if the gesture could ward off the impending headache, "I must have misheard, but did you say you were going to adopt him…?"

"Yes."

Her hand dropped and she opened and closed her mouth several times, speechless. "But—but what about Mouri-san?" she sputtered, trying to get her friend to change his mind once her brain had a chance to reboot. "Doesn't your wife get a say in whether or not she wants to raise a tiny homicidal psychopath?!"

"Ran's forgiving," he murmured, giving little Gin a soft look that automatically made Ai want to vomit on the spot. "Actually, she's too forgiving, considering she forgave me of all people. But I hope between the two of us, we might be able to rehabilitate him, give him the opportunity to be the child that I'm certain he never had the chance to be."

"You're playing with fire, Kudou-kun," Ai warned, brows furrowing in worry. "You know Gin. Do you think cuddles and kisses are going to unmake the murderer that he is? Plus, he is already an adult!" She tilted her head in sudden thought. "How is he asleep? Transformation does not include immediate unconsciousness…" Shinichi's eyes veered away in discomfort, and the Touto University doctoral candidate in pharmaceutical sciences pursed her lips. "Kudou-kun…"

"I might have darted him right after he swallowed that Apoptoxin pill…" he admitted with a wince.

Ai valiantly resisted the sudden and intense urge to take her illegal handgun and blow her friend's brains out instead. "Kudou-kun!"

"He snatched one out of the fire that we had thrown the lot into and popped it before we could stop him!" Shinichi hurriedly explained. He ran a careful hand through Gin's hair, fingers gently carding through tangled silver strands while trying not to rouse him.

"You're attached already," the scientist groaned as she slapped a hand against her forehead. "Someone please explain to me why my friend is such a moron," she complained to the world at large.

Shinichi pouted, indignant. "Oi! I'm not that bad!"

Ai peered at him through her fingers. "What part of wanting-to-adopt-an-internationally-wanted-killer-to-raise-as-your-own-child not idiocy?!" she snarled as she dropped her hand away from her face to glare at him.

"Oh, come on, Haibara," he cajoled, leaning towards her to give her a better view of the sleeping silver-haired child while squishing said demon's cheeks into a caricature of a smile. "How can you say no to this face?"

"You," she intoned with all the solemnity and gravity of a preacher at a funeral while never once glancing at the child's face even as she leaned away from the pair, "are insane."

"What are you talking about?" he boasted, "I'll—" He froze, and Ai watched as all of Shinichi's bravado was seemingly sucked away by an invisible vacuum of some sort. The detective appeared to deflate before her, ducking his head for a long while before he huffed sardonically and whispered, "I'll probably be a terrible father."

The abrupt change in demeanor gave the scientist mental and emotional whiplash. "I—what?"

Shinichi shuffled over to sit on her sofa, and Ai could see the beginnings of panic on his face. "I can't be a father," he muttered, staring somewhat sightlessly into the top of Gin's head as his breathing rate sped up.

Ai sat on the couch as close as she dared to Shinichi, the sleeping silver-haired devil in his arms forcing her to silence all of the alarm bells in her head from his proximity in favor of figuring out the source of her friend's sudden distress. "What do you mean?"

"I can't be a father. I can't be a father," he repeated, his voice becoming increasingly manic, "I—much as I love my parents, they were shitty role models, and I—I can't be a father…"

Well, his panicking could have been because of worse things, Ai supposed as she stared, dumbfounded, as one of the most intelligent and confident-to-the-point-of-cocky people she knew seemed to crack at the idea of raising a child. Being de-aged himself had not seemed to faze him, but somehow raising a child did? Ai sighed heavily, mentally gathering herself before she leaned in closer. "Kudou-kun," she snapped, "first off, quit freaking the hell out and breathe!" She reached out and grasped his cheeks, forcing him to watch her. "Calm. The fuck. Down."

Ai instructed him to follow her breathing pattern, and slowly the gleam of mania eased away from his eyes. "Thanks, Haibara," he whispered.

She leaned backwards to give the two of them space—which had the added benefit of increasing the distance between her and that murderous midget of a bastard. "How did you explain him away, since you were able to carry him off what I'm sure was a highly secured crime scene?"

"I said he was one of the Organization's captive test subjects." Shinichi slumped, and his exhaustion was easy to read in the heaviness of his limbs and the curve of his back. That he was struggling to keep his eyes open only highlighted how tired he was. "There were… walls of cages in one of the labs, and many of them contained skeletons of numerous kinds of animals. There were also human skeletons in some of the larger cages."

Ai clenched her jaw as she pressed down the guilt that welled up in her chest. While she might have not been the one to grant those poor creatures the welcome quiet of death, she was still part of the reason they had suffered and died. She had formulated the first working batch of Apoptoxin, after all.

Shinichi leaned onto the couch's pillowed backrest and began lightly dozing as the conversation died away. Gin continued to sleep peacefully on the detective's chest. At length, Ai asked, "Do you plan on taking him to your home?"

"Yeah," the detective confirmed with a yawn. "I guess I better get going before I fall asleep."

Ai took all of two seconds to settle her internal debate, though she had some very severe misgivings about her decision. "Stay," she commanded. "You're about to fall asleep on your feet and are in no shape to drive home. Send Mouri-san a text and I'll set up the spare futon." She proceeded to do just that, and in short order had the futon laid out on the floor next to her bed in the bedroom of her single bed and bath apartment. Shinichi had crashed frequently enough at her place to have a spare set of clothes to sleep in, and Gin was summarily bundled into one of Ai's old tees, which hung off his small frame like the drapes of a curtain. The fedora had been pried from his grasp and was currently resting on her dining table.

The scientist stared down at the silver-haired boy from her vantage point on her own bed. Shinichi laid down next to the still sleeping Gin and pulled the covers over the both of them. "Kudou-kun," she said, and Shinichi glanced up at her. "Make sure he doesn't kill us while we're sleeping, got it?"

"Yeah, sure, okay," the detective replied with another wide yawn. He nestled further into the comfortable warmth the blanket provided and his breathing steadied into the slow, even cadence of sleep.

Ai stayed awake, watching the two sleeping on the floor of her bedroom before reaching into her nightstand and pulling out the fake flower gun, just in case she needed it for intimidation purposes. She was not crazy enough to bring a live gun within twenty meters of that murderous bastard, regardless of how big or small he was. She jumped as Gin snuffled and rolled over, heaving a silent but shaky sigh of relief when he did not wake. His tiny hand hit Kudou in the chest, and at the sense of warmth, he scooted himself closer. In response, Shinichi curled his arms around the boy. Both of them had not woken in the process of positioning themselves into a literal cuddle. I… Her brain stalled at the sight of Gin and Shinichi cuddling. She shuddered but shook herself. Well, he doesn't seem to have homicidal tendencies while sleeping, so I guess I should sleep while I have the opportunity, too. With that, Ai wiggled further under her own covers and closed her eyes.

Kurosawa Jin was warm, comfortably so. The wall that he was snuggled up against was warm, the pillow under his cheek was soft, and the blanket wrapped around him was equally as warm as the wall. He burrowed further into that warmth to both better soak in the heat and shield his eyes from the morning sun's light, his brain still loitering in a sleepy, everything-is-fine mindset that he rarely ever experienced. The wall chuckled and the assassin frowned, eyes still closed, as he tried to figure out if he was still dreaming. But even if he was dreaming, his dreams had historically been gruesome, blood-filled affairs, so this was a very nice change of pace.

"He's kind of cute like this." The wall rumbled with the quiet words, the male tone affectionate, and Jin scrunched his eyes more tightly shut. He did not want to wake up just yet—not when everything was so pleasant.

"You would say that," replied a female with a mixture of fondness and disdain in her voice.

The wall shifted and his blanket gently squeezed him tighter. "But isn't he?"

Finally realizing that he would not be getting any more rest, Jin cracked his eyes open. A faded B'z touring graphic greeted him. Jin squinted and blinked several times, trying to figure out if this was merely a continuation of his dreaming despite the rather strange turn it had taken. He leaned further back, and it took him several groggy seconds to realize that what he was staring at was not some poster on a wall, but a tee shirt on someone's torso.

His gaze crept up the chest to a neck—to a face that he barely remembered but had seen too many times recently to truly forget. Memories of the night before—of gunfire, explosions, dead operatives on both the sides of the law, the standoff in the laboratory, the choice of taking that wretched pill that had killed so many after being cornered…

Jin's brain jumped from drowsy to wired in the blink of an eye, and he instinctively lashed out, using all four limbs to create distance between himself and a sleep-mussed Kudou Shinichi. Except he barely moved backwards, despite the fact that he had kicked Kudou hard enough in the gut to leave him winded. Rather, he was pulled forwards, smashing against Kudou's chest with his arms awkwardly pinned between them, and strong thighs clamped down on his ankles to prevent him from kicking. Any wiggled attempts on his part to escape were unsuccessful. A puzzled but frantic glance revealed that Kudou had his arms around him, and that Kudou had been the source of that delightful warmth when he had been asleep.

The assassin began hyperventilating at the thought. Sleeping was the one time every human being was vulnerable, and Jin knew this better than most. It was why he always slept with a knife close at hand, why he was such a light sleeper. That he had been essentially dead to the world—and comfortable—while Kudou had manhandled him frightened him more than he could verbalize.

"Easy, Gin, you're safe," Kudou coaxed in a soothing voice, forcefully tucking the assassin's head under his chin after Jin had resorted to biting. Jin gave one last wrench against his captor before slumping in the detective's hold, exhausted. Kudou's hold on him cautiously eased from restraining to embracing, and Jin unconsciously relaxed into the detective's arms, his pulse and breathing slowing as Kudou continued to make soft, calming noises. "We're not going to hurt you."

There was a snort, followed by, "Speak for yourself." Jin tiredly craned his head up to find an impossibly younger Miyano Shiho, already dressed for the day, staring him down from her place on the edge of a bed—except it actually was possible for her to become younger if she, like himself, had survived ingesting the Apoptoxin. The strawberry blonde woman's gaze was piercing and decidedly frigid. "I never expected to see you again, Gin."

Shock reverberated through him for a moment before he recovered, and fury ignited within him like a lit match to kerosene. "Sherry," he hissed before freezing with a stunned squeak. His voice… had it been this high-pitched when he had been a child all those years ago?

Sherry narrowed her eyes as she studied him with clinical coolness while Kudou stifled a chuckle with a choked snort. Jin kind of wanted to murder him on principle for that. "Odds of surviving the Apoptoxin aside," Sherry speculated as she watched him like a hawk, "I wonder why it shaved—what, twenty, thirty?—years off of you instead of ten like it had for… other survivors…"

Jin's eyes widened in realization before returning to their angry glare. "So that's how you escaped," he growled, "I had wondered why we were never able to find you: we had been searching for you as an adult and not as a child." The disgust at the Organization's—and by proxy, his—stupidity was clear in his voice.

Sherry smirked. "Not like you would have known what to look for, considering I ended up changing Kudou's experimental status to dead right before I… deserted. As there was neither evidence nor report that the Apoptoxin had properly worked, I made the assumption that he was still alive and left to find him." The scientist gave him a look that was pure condescension, and Jin clenched his jaw so hard there was a decent chance that he would crack a molar. "Of course," she continued, her tone mocking and derisive and amused, "the fact that you merely took my word that the Apoptoxin had a one-hundred percent fatality rate is… well, if nothing else, it proved to me how much faith you had in my work. But the fact that you failed to follow up and ensure that Kudou-kun died after you had administered it was so very sloppy on your part." If looks could kill, Sherry would have been dead a hundred—a thousand times over by now. Her expression turned unbearably smug. "I do have to thank you for your oversight, however, since your failure to doublecheck meant that someone had finally slipped through the Organization's nets."

The fact that she was directly pinning the downfall of the Organization on him for one single mistake was the last straw. Jin lunged for her with a snarl and managed to catch Kudou by surprise long enough to free one arm. He reached out towards the traitorous bitch even as he struggled against Kudou's vise-like hold, intent on causing her bodily harm, and Sherry used one slippered foot to stomp down on his forearm with enough force to ensure that he would bruise; breaking his arm was not outside the realm of possibility with how much pressure she was exerting.

Jin bit back the pained yelp that bubbled within his chest even as Kudou let out a strangled, protesting, "Haibara!"

"Save it, Kudou-kun!" Sherry snapped, her gaze flicking over to the detective for a breath before refocusing on him. "Even if he is currently a child, I have zero qualms about killing him right this minute."

"Then do it," the assassin hissed through clenched teeth. Death would be infinitely better than continuing to exist in his currently miserable, miniaturized state. He sneered, goaded, dared his former associate. "Off me and take your revenge on the one who murdered your beloved sister." He watched with black satisfaction as the muscles in Sherry's temples flexed from clenching her jaw. He had struck a nerve and they both knew it, since she pressed harder on his arm in silent retaliation. Jin had to fight to not physically react.

"Haibara…" Kudou murmured.

Sherry shut her eyes and took several forcefully slow breaths to calm herself as she lessened the pressure on his arm but kept it pinned to the floor. Jin glanced away clicked his tongue in scorn at her lack of resolve, disappointed that she had not agreed to kill him. The scientist sighed deeply. "Kudou-kun. How do you wish to proceed?"

Jin froze as Kudou pressed a careful, gentle hand onto the back of his head, fingertips lightly combing through his hair. Kudou was petting him like some kind of animal… though perhaps he was, on some level, what with how he snarled and bit and fought everyone and everything that felt even remotely threatening. And yet there was nothing about Kudou's presence that registered as a threat. The detective had pinned him, trapped him, true, but he had never harmed him once he had awoken in that warm embrace. Jin had not fought him after his initial panic upon waking, aside from his longing to end Sherry.

The realization was… perplexing.

"Gin," Kudou said quietly, and Jin warily turned his attention away from Sherry. Warmth and kindness gleamed in the detective's azure eyes the morning light, and it sent prickles of… something uncomfortable down his spine and tied his stomach in knots. The hand carding through his hair stopped, and Jin vaguely wanted it back but ruthlessly squashed the desire. "I only know you by your Organization handle, but—do you have a preferred name to be addressed with?"

Whatever he had expected Kudou to ask, requesting his name had to have been near the bottom of the colossal list of anything and everything he could have inquired about. Jin stared at the detective dumbly and blurted out a confused, "What?"

"Your name," Kudou repeated patiently. "I would like to know how to address you."

Jin's brain whirred with a million thoughts that zipped by too fast to be comprehended. Distantly, he registered that Sherry had released his arm, and he absently tucked it against his chest, his other hand rubbing at the purpling bruise forming as a result of her foot. "Kurosawa," he whispered without much thought before his mind caught up with his mouth. His eyes widened in panic and he clamped his mouth shut. Stupid! he hissed at himself, Why did you give him that? Where's your fucking brain-to-mouth filter?!

Kudou hummed, quietly pleased. "Kurosawa," he echoed. "Do you have a given name to go with it?"

Having already revealed half of his name, Jin relinquished the other half. "Jin. Kurosawa Jin."

"Kurosawa Jin." Kudou rolled his name in his mouth, testing it. "Kurosawa Jin. Would you like to keep that name?"

The assassin gave him a flat stare. "As opposed to what?" he asked somewhat testily.

Kudou favored him with a small smile. "Anything, considering that as you are now, you have no identification papers—though I would appreciate it if you chose Kudou as your surname."

Shock suffused his entire being as his spinning thoughts ground to a halt so fast there was a pile-up collision of them. "What?" Kudou could not possibly be implying what he thought he was… could he? "You…" Words failed him.

"Kudou-kun's taken it into that useless waste of space where his brain should be that he wants to adopt you," Sherry stated in a tone so dry it could wither entire forests.

Jin craned his head back up to stare at his former colleague, who had crossed her legs and leaned forwards to prop her elbows on her knees to stare back at him with an unimpressed arch of an eyebrow. "… huh," was all he could manage.

"Kurosawa-san." Jin's gaze snapped back to the detective. "If you wish to remain Kurosawa Jin, that is entirely your choice. But you also have the option of choosing an entirely different name to give yourself a clean slate." Kudou levered the two of them upright, sitting Jin before him. The assassin was immensely grateful that Kudou had not plopped him in his lap—he might have strangled the bastard had he dared, non-threatening presence notwithstanding. The detective released him entirely, watching him with an open, hopeful expression that was… extremely unpleasant. Rare were the occasions that anyone bothered to look at him with such an expression. He tamped down on the reflexive urge to retch in disgust despite the unbidden warmth that suffused his chest.

"I'll think about it," he muttered, turning away to mentally snarl at himself for his… feelings.

Kudou smiled. "That's all I ask," he said.

Ai rolled her eyes at her friend, mentally preparing both serious assassination methods for Gin and less serious ones for Kudou. At least my life will never be boring, she thought as she stood and made her way to the bathroom to prepare for the coming day.

It was going to be a long one.

Author's Note: So, this fic came about due to a brain bounce chat I had with artistfingers (AO3), and the title is a direct quote of art's from our chat. Originally the fic was to encompass Shinichi and Ran as child-Gin's adoptive parents, Heiji and Kaito as the weird uncles, Ai as the put-one-toe-out-of-line-and-I-will-END-you auntie, and Kazuha and Aoko as the normal aunties. But as you can tell, I ran out of steam. Plus, this leaves Gin's decision up in the air and for the reader to decide what option he chooses. Certainly, this has been one of my shorter fics, but again, ran out of steam. Who knows if I will continue this, as I haven't been on my writing game in a while. Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed it.

Completed: 15.02.2024